BILL HALL SIGNS WITH YANKEES, IS ON TWITTER

that's right, our favorite MLB player has signed with the yankees, where he will single-handedly break all the single season records for everything. also, he's on twitter (@BillHall_III)

Carlos Delgado to retire...

Carlos Delgado was still playing????

2011 season

I thought I wasn't going to be excited for baseball this year, but now that it's finally here, I kind of am. It's not like the Pirates are going to do anything this year. The April schedule looks somewhat daunting; I'd be very surprised if we have a winning record any time after April 11. Prediction: an 80-82 finish. What Major League Baseball should do is take teams that always suck like the Pirates, Nationals, Royals, and Orioles and just have them play each other repeatedly, to avoid watering down the rest of the league. Maybe we can invite the winners of the Pacific Coast League and International League, and the Blue Jays and Astros too.

In all honesty, I hope the Pirates do well. I hope we don't trade away McCutcheon, Walker, Tabata, and Alvarez by mid-season, in a move that GM Neil Huntington calls "best for the organization".

Q'APLA

It's about that time of year

This is probably how the Rangers and Yankees feel after the Phillies signed Cliff Lee.

Jonathan Papelbon is a fucking idiot

Remember this from the All Star game last year?

Now, this happens. How can you be so fucking stupid? Who gave you the right?

He can die in a fire with teammate Dustin Pedroia.

ESPN is fucking stupid

Apparently for over 1/2 an hour last night, ESPN.com was reporting that Manny Ramirez and the Dodgers had agreed to terms, while ESPNews reported that this news had yet to be confirmed.

Ed. note: ESPN.com is now reporting this again, only this time it's confirmed by the Dodgers' official website.

David Ortiz is a bitch

David Ortiz has now missed spring training for the second day in a row due to a sore left shoulder.

But here's the clincher:

Red Sox manager Terry Francona says Friday that Ortiz is much better than Thursday, when he slept on the shoulder awkwardly. Francona says Ortiz also is feeling the effects from throwing during fielding practice earlier in the week.

What the hell?

Junior Griffey a Mariner

Ken Griffey Jr. has signed a 1 year, $2MM deal to return to the Seattle Mariners, where he began his career. He put up some great numbers with the M's, possibly the best of which coming in 1997 and 1998. Let's look at these stats:

1997: .304 BA, 56 HR, 147 RBI, 185 H, 34 2B,
3 3B, 121 SO, 76 BB, 125 R
1998: .284 BA, 56 HR, 146 RBI, 180 H, 33 2B,
3 3B, 121 SO, 76 BB, 120 R

Tell me your mind isn't blown by their similarity, and I'll call you a liar and set your pants on fire.

I'm really disappointed he was so injury-plagued as a Red; maybe he would be on the verge of passing Bonds so we could have a non-controversial all-time home run king.


Source: baseball-reference.com

Another reason why Dustin Pedroia should die in a fire

I think I speak for everyone here when I say we fucking hate it how everyone slobs Dustin Pedroia's nob. Oh, he's 5'8", he's scrappy. .326, 17 HR, 83 RBI? Big fucking deal, pretty pedestrian numbers if you ask me. What about .304, 32, 130? Or .292, 37, 127? Or what about one of two guys with 35+ HR, 100+RBI, and an OPS of .965? The point is I fucking hate whoever voted for him.

Anyway, I just found out that his brother was arrested "on two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under the age of 14". Which I find incredibly hilarious.

Die in a fire, Pedroia brothers.

Dodgers try to get better, older

In recent signing news, the Dodgers signed both Randy Wolf, who will likely join the rotation at #4, and Jeff Weaver (pictured above), who will compete against the likes of Shawn Estes and Jason Schmidt for the #5 spot. Apparently, the Dodgers' free agent pitching scouting only extends along the West Coast, since these guys have played for Seattle, San Francisco, and San Diego. Hell, next they'll probably fire up the game tapes from 2001-2004 and sign Mark Mulder.

Yankees, other teams, avoid the 2nd coming of Kevin Brown/Carl Pavano

Ben Sheets hasn't been able to get a contract. Apparently, for a good reason.

Also, I didn't know that Nomar was no longer a Dodger. But check out this gem of a quote made by Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, Jr.:

"Nomar has been great through the whole process, but he doesn't want to put our team in position to bring on a player who may not be prepared to performed at his accustomed level"

Does that mean that he's going to be worse than the shitty player he's been ever since he left Boston?


I don't know either.

Dear ESPN,
No one fucking cares about people finding the DNA of Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens in/on stuff that's like 6 years old. Die in a fire (and make sure Rick Reilly and Bill Simmons are there).
Love, Senor Mullet

Manny turns down 1 year, $25 M?

ESPN.com's Jayson Stark reports that Manny Ramirez turned down the Dodgers' offer of 1 year, $25 million. Why Manny? No one else wants you, except maybe the Giants (and we all know they're unlikely to shell out this kind of money), and the longer you wait, the better deal the team will get, I'm sure. This also does nothing for your reputation, which you destroyed with the Red Sawx last year but started to earn back with the Dodgers.

Also, ESPN.com new services reports that the Mets have resigned Oliver Perez for 3 years, $36 million?!?!?! What the f--- is that about? Sure, he started well last year with an ERA around 3 and a WHIP somewhere around 1.2 but finished 10-7 with an ERA of 4.22 and WHIP of 1.40. He does show moments with great potential, but I don't think he's consistent enough to merit $12 million a year. Hopefully for the Mets, he turns into something good.

Unsigned Free Agents, 2/1/2009

The number of big name players who are currently teamless is kind of mind boggling. Tom Glavine, Griffey Jr., the Big Hurt, Pedro Martinez, and Curt Schilling round out the top of the list as future Hall of Famers. I can see why teams might not want to sign these guys though, due to age and recent injuries, but I can see either Griffey or Thomas joining an AL contender to DH, or in Griffey's case, maybe even get some field time. As for the pitchers, they're all coming off injuries, so it would be a gamble for a team to take them, but at the same time, it would be a shame to see them formed into retirement.

I'm still a little bit confused why Manny hasn't been signed yet, but this is probably Scott Boras' doing. Sure, he is a head case and his age is getting up there, but as he showed the last two months of last season, he can still produce when he wants to. Some team might strike a pretty good bargain since his price will likely be forced down as we get closer to Opening Day. Adam Dunn and Bobby Abreu may also prove to be bargain hitters for some team.

I'm not really surprised by Ben Sheets remaining unsigned. I wouldn't want to make a huge investment on a guy as injury prone as him (see Yankees, New York and Pavano, Carl; Brown, Kevin).

I'm also surprised that Orlando Cabrera hasn't been signed. He's a solid fielder that can get on base and score runs, but the price tag may be too high for someone his age who doesn't hit over .300 or put up 20+ HRs and 100+ RBIs.

Now here are some pictures.

I'd add a caption here, but I don't know how to spell the sound that I can imagine him making. It sounds kind of like when Jay impersonates Chewbacca in Knocked Up.


This. Is. Just. Awesome.

Congratulations Aaron Heilman, No One Likes You.

After being one of the major causes of the Mets' disastrous September collapese, Aaron Heilman was traded away to the Mariners. Today, he was traded again, from the Mariners to the Cubs:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3866647

Suck a fatty, you stupid douche. I hope you single-handedly take down the Cubs this season. We'll all be better of for it.

Playoffs

Well, as we all know, the Cubs were swept in the first round. And it was glorious. I said this before to people, but I'm posting it here finally: If the Cubs win the world series, they will become the new Boston. Every jackass/douchebag/fucktard in America will buy a Cubs hat and you'll see them everywhere. And it's funny because this girl is crying.

I would also like to reference the last picture made in this post way back at the beginning of this blog.

Other bits of gloriousness I hope for in this postseason:
-Red Sox lose to the Rays; Kevin Youkalis and Dustin Pedroia die
-Phillies make it to the World Series but are swept by the Rays. I love it when Philadelphia sports teams experience crushing defeats.

A list of cities I hate:
1. Boston (self explanatory)
2. Philadelphia (a distant second, but only because Pat's Steaks pulls them down.)
3. Durham, NC (I bleed Carolina Blue)
4. Columbus, OH (Brady Quinn, 'nuff said.)
5. Baltimore (just not really a fan)
6. Ann Arbor, MI (what can I say, she's a whore)
7. Whatever city you're reading this from.

The Diamondbacks are thieves...

but I still want them to win the NL West with a losing record.

Baseballs!!!!!!!!

Baseball is America's pasttime. It's great. I just want to talk about my favorite players. Tim Lincecum has to top the list. He's young, he's got nasty stuff, and he's fun to watch. Speaking of guys who are fun to watch, how about Oliver Perez. Here's a guy that brings some real energy to the diamond every night he pitches. Jair Jurrjens, I'm big on him too. Ian Kinsler and the Texas Rangers, great stuff. We need a 50/50 guy. I nominate HanRam. Even though I've become a Yankees fan, I don't understand this trade I just found. Xavier Nady and Damaso Marte for 4 minor leaguers. I thought the bullpen was pretty solid to begin with and the offense was coming around. But whatever. With Matsui and Posada both out, I guess bringing in Nady makes sense. Moose has been solid. Solid. Pettite, man, last Sunday when I watched Pettite pitch, he was so locked in. Joba's been good too. Rasner's been decent and Sir Sidney (the alcoholic/my idol) has performed pretty well. What happens when Wang comes back? Do they get better? Apparently, Ian Kennedy threw an almost no-hitter if I believe what I saw on SNY for the Mets pre-game. Is he trade bait? What about Phil Hughes? Their rotation is A-OK solid. Nothing wrong anymore now that Moose has got his groove back. Lineup's coming around hitting. Giambi's porn 'stasche is still hilariously creepy. Yankees On-Deck has taught me that Cano is sick-nasty at golf and Melky can hold his own, while Betemit and Veras (I think) struggle. I'm really hoping for a Yankees-Rays ALCS while I'm in Orlando in late October since that would be a wicked awesome experience. Or if the Marlins somehow manage to make it, I'd go see them playoff style. Probably. But let's hope for the Rays since Tampa is closer to Orlando than Miami. While I'm at it, in my dream world, the 2008 World Series will be between the Rays and Brewers and I'll attend all 7 games. That would be the greatest thing ever. Game 1: Kazmir vs. Sheets; Game 2: Shields vs. Sabathia; Game 3: Garza vs. Suppan. I'd give game 4 to Parra and Jackson. This would be such an exciting World Series to see. Two young teams with speed, power, and all that razzle-dazzle. This would be a matchup for the ages. The culmination of two young teams coming into their own, with tons of top prospects in Prince Fielder, J.J. Hardy, Ryan Braun, Bill Hall, Rickie Weeks, Corey Hart, B.J. Upton, Evan Longoria, etc. These were the guys I would draft in MVP '05 to stockpile a young team. I wish EA still made baseball games. I actually used Evan Longoria in my NCAA Baseball '06 game, I think. Long Beach State Dirtbags. Enough rambling for now.

Hip Hip Jorge?

Well, it appears that Jorge Posada's status for the rest of the season is uncertain, as is Hideki Matsui's.

Meanwhile, Rich Harden earned his first loss in the N.L. Why isn't he injured yet? I guess he hasn't been hanging out with Kerry Wood enough. Maybe their injury-getting-ability will cancel each other's out and they'll stay healthy. Let's hope not so the Cubs crash and burn again.