Congratulations Aaron Heilman, No One Likes You.

After being one of the major causes of the Mets' disastrous September collapese, Aaron Heilman was traded away to the Mariners. Today, he was traded again, from the Mariners to the Cubs:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3866647

Suck a fatty, you stupid douche. I hope you single-handedly take down the Cubs this season. We'll all be better of for it.

Happy Birthday, Lawrence Jones

I normally wouldn't care about what happens in a Marlins-Braves game (unless I'm checking HanRam's stats), but this may have been the funniest article I have ever read on ESPN (not counting anything on Page 2).

Some highlights:

"I always feel like I need to do something cool on my birthday," the third baseman said. "Hit a homer or have three hits. I would have taken either one, to be honest. Today, I got 'em both. It was awesome." -- What a tool.

"While Jones got everything from a Dale Earnhardt video box set to an autographed guitar from country stars Rascal Flatts..." -- Wow. They didn't mention the Confederate flag pickup truck given to him by Randy Johnson.


And apparently, Brian McCann hit a triple, with a slide described by Larry himself as "poetry in motion." McCann also commented, saying "I'm as slow as it looks."

Oh, and just because I found this...