Baseball in a Recession

Yes the struggling economy is everywhere, and baseball is not immune. The unemployment line is stretching around the block with Manny Ramirez (probably because he drops routine fly balls like the Dow drops percentage points), Ken Griffey Jr., and Bobby Abreu among the players looking more likely to be catching shoplifters as security guards at Wal-Mart than catching fly balls this season.

Meanwhile the Yankees appear to be the Bank of America of baseball acquiring everything they can get their hands on (Hopefully the acquisitions of Teixeira and Sabathia will not turn out like the acquisitions of Merrill Lynch and Countrywide). After all, the Yankees have a history of acquiring toxic assets like Kevin Brown and Carl Pavano.

If anyone is looking for their own personal stimulus package you could consider betting on the Nationals to win the World Series. They are paying off at 300/1. (The Rays were at 150/1 preseason last year just ahead of the Nationals for second to last).

Hopefully the economy will recover before Citigroup pulls out of the stadium deal leaving the Mets homeless.

Season Preview Washington Nationals

So, I am returning after incorrectly predicting that the Chicago Cubs would win based on their lack of douchebags. Obviously, it does not matter if your team has a wife beater on it, you can still win the World Series.
I am from the Philadelphia area, and am an avid fan of the other 3 major sports teams in Philadelphia, but am an Oakland fan for baseball. I was in California when the Phillies won the World Series (although I was at one of the NLCS games in Philly), and I was happy to see them do well. It still has not hit me that they won, and probably won't until one of the other Philly teams wins (if ever). That being said, I consider myself a Philadelphian (Philadelphiite?) and am quite proud of the fact that our fans could do this:

So, with that out of the way, we are getting close to pitchers and catchers reporting for spring training - one of the best days of the year. In preparation for the beginning of the season, I will pick one team a day to preview - going in order of worst to best record (finish in the playoffs if the team made the playoffs). I'll probably miss a day here or there, but deal with it, I work.

First team, those amazing Washington Nationals:

This was the start of the Nationals season last year:

Ryan Zimmerman hit a walkoff HR to beat the Braves. Unfortunately, the rest of the Nationals season went like this:

So what went wrong? Well, their highest paid player was Nick Johnson, who played all of 38 games. Their idea of a replacement for him was a 300 pound diabetic who didn't seem to comprehend that he had diabetes. Their best player, Zimmerman was hurt, they traded for a guy who almost (and still might) go to jail in Elijah Dukes, and they seemed to have players with the right last names, but wrong first names:

Nick Johnson, instead of Randy (or Don)
Saul Rivera, instead of Mariano
Cristian Guzman, instead of Juan (90s reference, what)
Jorge Sosa, instead of Sammy
and of course,
Ryan Wagner, instead of Honus

To make up for such a decrepit, misnomered team, what did they do in the offseason?

Well, they lost Don Sutton back to the Braves as an announcer (bring back Ted Turner as owner and technicolor movies!!!)
They struck out on every big-name free agent ever. I have a feeling that Teixera went to the Yankees and told them that he will actually give them some of his money back just so he wouldn't have to play in DC.
Their biggest move was getting rid of Chad Cordero who is now a free agent. This makes me miss the days of the Expos with Tim Wallach, Larry Walker, Ken Hill, and Marquis Grissom. Hey, maybe they could resign Moises Alou and Pedro to try to relive the glory days!!
Of course, I think Pedro looks a bit different now

And I don't think the Nats want to deal with Alou's urinary preferences.

2009 Outlook? Terrible. They did little to improve, and have to start hoping they can draft well with their high picks. All they have to look forward to this year is:

Maybe they can sign him to play second base as well.

Manny turns down 1 year, $25 M?

ESPN.com's Jayson Stark reports that Manny Ramirez turned down the Dodgers' offer of 1 year, $25 million. Why Manny? No one else wants you, except maybe the Giants (and we all know they're unlikely to shell out this kind of money), and the longer you wait, the better deal the team will get, I'm sure. This also does nothing for your reputation, which you destroyed with the Red Sawx last year but started to earn back with the Dodgers.

Also, ESPN.com new services reports that the Mets have resigned Oliver Perez for 3 years, $36 million?!?!?! What the f--- is that about? Sure, he started well last year with an ERA around 3 and a WHIP somewhere around 1.2 but finished 10-7 with an ERA of 4.22 and WHIP of 1.40. He does show moments with great potential, but I don't think he's consistent enough to merit $12 million a year. Hopefully for the Mets, he turns into something good.

Unsigned Free Agents, 2/1/2009

The number of big name players who are currently teamless is kind of mind boggling. Tom Glavine, Griffey Jr., the Big Hurt, Pedro Martinez, and Curt Schilling round out the top of the list as future Hall of Famers. I can see why teams might not want to sign these guys though, due to age and recent injuries, but I can see either Griffey or Thomas joining an AL contender to DH, or in Griffey's case, maybe even get some field time. As for the pitchers, they're all coming off injuries, so it would be a gamble for a team to take them, but at the same time, it would be a shame to see them formed into retirement.

I'm still a little bit confused why Manny hasn't been signed yet, but this is probably Scott Boras' doing. Sure, he is a head case and his age is getting up there, but as he showed the last two months of last season, he can still produce when he wants to. Some team might strike a pretty good bargain since his price will likely be forced down as we get closer to Opening Day. Adam Dunn and Bobby Abreu may also prove to be bargain hitters for some team.

I'm not really surprised by Ben Sheets remaining unsigned. I wouldn't want to make a huge investment on a guy as injury prone as him (see Yankees, New York and Pavano, Carl; Brown, Kevin).

I'm also surprised that Orlando Cabrera hasn't been signed. He's a solid fielder that can get on base and score runs, but the price tag may be too high for someone his age who doesn't hit over .300 or put up 20+ HRs and 100+ RBIs.

Now here are some pictures.

I'd add a caption here, but I don't know how to spell the sound that I can imagine him making. It sounds kind of like when Jay impersonates Chewbacca in Knocked Up.


This. Is. Just. Awesome.

Congratulations Aaron Heilman, No One Likes You.

After being one of the major causes of the Mets' disastrous September collapese, Aaron Heilman was traded away to the Mariners. Today, he was traded again, from the Mariners to the Cubs:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3866647

Suck a fatty, you stupid douche. I hope you single-handedly take down the Cubs this season. We'll all be better of for it.

Playoffs

Well, as we all know, the Cubs were swept in the first round. And it was glorious. I said this before to people, but I'm posting it here finally: If the Cubs win the world series, they will become the new Boston. Every jackass/douchebag/fucktard in America will buy a Cubs hat and you'll see them everywhere. And it's funny because this girl is crying.

I would also like to reference the last picture made in this post way back at the beginning of this blog.

Other bits of gloriousness I hope for in this postseason:
-Red Sox lose to the Rays; Kevin Youkalis and Dustin Pedroia die
-Phillies make it to the World Series but are swept by the Rays. I love it when Philadelphia sports teams experience crushing defeats.

A list of cities I hate:
1. Boston (self explanatory)
2. Philadelphia (a distant second, but only because Pat's Steaks pulls them down.)
3. Durham, NC (I bleed Carolina Blue)
4. Columbus, OH (Brady Quinn, 'nuff said.)
5. Baltimore (just not really a fan)
6. Ann Arbor, MI (what can I say, she's a whore)
7. Whatever city you're reading this from.

Why the Cubs have to win the World Series

After some serious consideration, the Chicago Cubs have to win this years World Series. Obviously, they are currently the most cursed team in baseball. The Billy Goat, Bartman, whatever, other teams like the Red Sox and White Sox have broken the curse lately, now it is the Cubs turn.

The main reason why? They are the one playoff team without a complete douche or asshole on their team.

Tampa Bay Rays: They have a certain outfielder who just can't seem to run out balls and that turns more triples into doubles than Prince Fielder and Ryan Howard combined. They almost overcompensate for this by having Jonny Gomes, the ultimate gamer and teammate. Check out this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonny_Gomes

Boston Red Sox: Do I really need to explain?



Chicago White Sox: What player do all players hate more than AJ Piersynzki (sp?) No one. When he retires, he will certainly be castrated.

Minnesota Twins: Wait, what was the name of the guy who threw the bat at the umpire? Youtube it yourself, I'm drunk.

California Angels (will always be their name): Ooo, look at me, I got a $50M contract for roiding up and being in the baseball's best offense. Now I hit .225 and Mike Scocsia plays a better outfield than I do. Also, angles.com is blocked from my work computer and displays a picture of a seductive looking Asian chick. Not related to anything, but an interesting tidbit I thought.




New York Mets: Jose Reyes - another guy who can't run out ground balls. Also, when one of the most epic collapses in history is pinned on you, you are a douche.

Philadelphia Phillies: Brett Myers = wife beater, Adam Eaton = money stealer

Milwaukee Brewers: At least 3 players charged/named for doing steroids - Cameron, Gagne, Mota

Arizona Diamondbacks: Had a good chance until they got David Eckstein. Who doesn't had that little dude? This picture summarizes the rest of his life. In prison, he'll be the pie!


Los Angeles Dodgers: When you have 2 former Red Sox whose team has done significantly better after you've left, you have no chance. Even Torre can't make up for that difference. Also, you have Andruw Jones and a guy who made more than $3M per win during his ridiculous contract:


2 other reasons for everyone to root for the Cubs to win the World Series:

You know you want this to be 2 Cubs fans:


And, this chick parties in Chicago all the time. I know I won't complain about more exposure to her: