Home Run Derby

Unless you live under a rock, you know tonight is the home run derby. I'd like to say my favorite part about this year's event, regardless of who wins, is that 7 of the 8 participants are from the United States. (USA! USA!) Hopefully, Justin Morneau can make Canada proud of him and put up a better showing that the previous 2 Canadian participants (Morneau, 2007, and Jason Bay, 2005, for a total of 4 HR. And Morneau had 4 of them.) But it doesn't matter since Ryan Braun is going to win.

What focus, what determination. And he can get hitting tips from C.C., who is averaging 1 HR/4 AB. He has obviously mastered the art of putting his weight into his swing. That's obviously why Grady has nearly matched his previous career best (23 vs. 28) at the break. Either that or he figures the steroid investigation is over and started juicing.

Homeruns and Brewers got me thinking: what happens if the Brewers host an All Star Game and the home run derby is at Miller Park? Would Bernie slide for every home run, providing a Brewer was participating and hitting them? Could he get back up to the top fast enough if two home runs are hit back-to-back? Can he do that during a regular Brewers game? Which hot dog could hit the most home runs? Who would win in a hot dog eating contest if they got vegetarian hot dogs: Prince or C.C.? Will Bill Hall ever receive the respect he deserves from the general public? Does Corey Hart hate that song about sunglasses from the '80s? Do people actually buy and drink Miller Chill? Is it Friday yet?

Oh, and f*** watching the All Star Game. Here's what will be on my TV.

We're back!

Well it's been a while, but the blog is back in action. There's plenty to talk about in the baseball world these days, most notably C.C. Sabathia going to Milwaukee.


He's excited because they have those 5 enormous hot dogs, and he'll have no competition to eat them since Steggo is a vegetarian. Just imagine, if there's a pickoff play at first, nearly 1/3 of a ton of body mass will be involved, not including the runner! That has to be some sort of record.

Also, how the hell did Fernando Tatis become relevant again? The guy's played in 122 games since 2003! But you know, good for him.

Congratulations to Evan Longoria on being voted to the All Star team. I know why I voted for him.


Not to get off topic, but what the f*** is this? Is that the kind of product ESPN wants to push on me? And since Ashley Tisdale is my age and has been cast as another high school girl, is this ABC's way of telling me it's ok to fantasize about high schoolers? What kind of message are Disney and its subsidiaries trying to tell me? I should fantasize about high school girls and then drink their blood?

Back to the topic at hand...the funniest baseball-related news of the week may have come out of Philadelphia last Sunday where they faced a rain delay of nearly 3 hours. ESPN.com's Jayson Stark writes that Aaron Heilman, Scott Schoeneweis, and Billy Wagner constructed a boat out of water bottles, nail files, Slim Jims, and aspirin packs in the bullpen.

As for other crap that's happened in the league:
-I'm setting my over/under on games Rich Harden starts before being injured at 4.
-People keep speculating someone will sign Barry Bonds...I think if this was going to happen, it would have already happened.
-Ozzie Guillen shares his email address ( ozzieguillen13@hotmail.com).
-I'm pulling hard for Tampa Bay to make the ALCS since I'll be in Orlando October 19-26 and will definitely make that drive.

Expect another drunken interview and maybe some gonzo journalism in the next few days.