Why the Cubs have to win the World Series

After some serious consideration, the Chicago Cubs have to win this years World Series. Obviously, they are currently the most cursed team in baseball. The Billy Goat, Bartman, whatever, other teams like the Red Sox and White Sox have broken the curse lately, now it is the Cubs turn.

The main reason why? They are the one playoff team without a complete douche or asshole on their team.

Tampa Bay Rays: They have a certain outfielder who just can't seem to run out balls and that turns more triples into doubles than Prince Fielder and Ryan Howard combined. They almost overcompensate for this by having Jonny Gomes, the ultimate gamer and teammate. Check out this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonny_Gomes

Boston Red Sox: Do I really need to explain?



Chicago White Sox: What player do all players hate more than AJ Piersynzki (sp?) No one. When he retires, he will certainly be castrated.

Minnesota Twins: Wait, what was the name of the guy who threw the bat at the umpire? Youtube it yourself, I'm drunk.

California Angels (will always be their name): Ooo, look at me, I got a $50M contract for roiding up and being in the baseball's best offense. Now I hit .225 and Mike Scocsia plays a better outfield than I do. Also, angles.com is blocked from my work computer and displays a picture of a seductive looking Asian chick. Not related to anything, but an interesting tidbit I thought.




New York Mets: Jose Reyes - another guy who can't run out ground balls. Also, when one of the most epic collapses in history is pinned on you, you are a douche.

Philadelphia Phillies: Brett Myers = wife beater, Adam Eaton = money stealer

Milwaukee Brewers: At least 3 players charged/named for doing steroids - Cameron, Gagne, Mota

Arizona Diamondbacks: Had a good chance until they got David Eckstein. Who doesn't had that little dude? This picture summarizes the rest of his life. In prison, he'll be the pie!


Los Angeles Dodgers: When you have 2 former Red Sox whose team has done significantly better after you've left, you have no chance. Even Torre can't make up for that difference. Also, you have Andruw Jones and a guy who made more than $3M per win during his ridiculous contract:


2 other reasons for everyone to root for the Cubs to win the World Series:

You know you want this to be 2 Cubs fans:


And, this chick parties in Chicago all the time. I know I won't complain about more exposure to her:

The Diamondbacks are thieves...

but I still want them to win the NL West with a losing record.

Baseballs!!!!!!!!

Baseball is America's pasttime. It's great. I just want to talk about my favorite players. Tim Lincecum has to top the list. He's young, he's got nasty stuff, and he's fun to watch. Speaking of guys who are fun to watch, how about Oliver Perez. Here's a guy that brings some real energy to the diamond every night he pitches. Jair Jurrjens, I'm big on him too. Ian Kinsler and the Texas Rangers, great stuff. We need a 50/50 guy. I nominate HanRam. Even though I've become a Yankees fan, I don't understand this trade I just found. Xavier Nady and Damaso Marte for 4 minor leaguers. I thought the bullpen was pretty solid to begin with and the offense was coming around. But whatever. With Matsui and Posada both out, I guess bringing in Nady makes sense. Moose has been solid. Solid. Pettite, man, last Sunday when I watched Pettite pitch, he was so locked in. Joba's been good too. Rasner's been decent and Sir Sidney (the alcoholic/my idol) has performed pretty well. What happens when Wang comes back? Do they get better? Apparently, Ian Kennedy threw an almost no-hitter if I believe what I saw on SNY for the Mets pre-game. Is he trade bait? What about Phil Hughes? Their rotation is A-OK solid. Nothing wrong anymore now that Moose has got his groove back. Lineup's coming around hitting. Giambi's porn 'stasche is still hilariously creepy. Yankees On-Deck has taught me that Cano is sick-nasty at golf and Melky can hold his own, while Betemit and Veras (I think) struggle. I'm really hoping for a Yankees-Rays ALCS while I'm in Orlando in late October since that would be a wicked awesome experience. Or if the Marlins somehow manage to make it, I'd go see them playoff style. Probably. But let's hope for the Rays since Tampa is closer to Orlando than Miami. While I'm at it, in my dream world, the 2008 World Series will be between the Rays and Brewers and I'll attend all 7 games. That would be the greatest thing ever. Game 1: Kazmir vs. Sheets; Game 2: Shields vs. Sabathia; Game 3: Garza vs. Suppan. I'd give game 4 to Parra and Jackson. This would be such an exciting World Series to see. Two young teams with speed, power, and all that razzle-dazzle. This would be a matchup for the ages. The culmination of two young teams coming into their own, with tons of top prospects in Prince Fielder, J.J. Hardy, Ryan Braun, Bill Hall, Rickie Weeks, Corey Hart, B.J. Upton, Evan Longoria, etc. These were the guys I would draft in MVP '05 to stockpile a young team. I wish EA still made baseball games. I actually used Evan Longoria in my NCAA Baseball '06 game, I think. Long Beach State Dirtbags. Enough rambling for now.

Bill Hall Single Handedly Wins the NL Central and the US Presidential Election

For the second night in a row B Hall hits a game winning HR in the late innings against the Cards. Could the Brew Crew be in first when the Cubs head to Milwaukee next week? It's a definite possibilty. The D-Backs will go for the three game sweep of the Cubs tomorrow. Hmmm...that sounds familiar. One thing is for sure, I'm going to try to talk my girlfriend into going to a Brewers game this weekend while we're in Milwaukee. Just so I can be closer to Bill Hall.

As far as B Hall winning the election, that headline might be a bit premature. Just like my ejaculations.

Good luck living the rest of your life with that mental image.

Hip Hip Jorge?

Well, it appears that Jorge Posada's status for the rest of the season is uncertain, as is Hideki Matsui's.

Meanwhile, Rich Harden earned his first loss in the N.L. Why isn't he injured yet? I guess he hasn't been hanging out with Kerry Wood enough. Maybe their injury-getting-ability will cancel each other's out and they'll stay healthy. Let's hope not so the Cubs crash and burn again.

B Hall: Truly a God Among Men

Holy Balls. Bill Hall hits the game winning HR in the top of tenth in St. Louis. He's gonna bone 200 hot chicks tonight. (As opposed to his usual 100 hot chicks post game).

My Dick is this big

Convalescing over the All Star Break

After feeling like shit for a few days I headed into the hospital last Tuesday and found out I had pneumonia. However, all was not lost. I got out of the hospital around 11:30 and headed home with some anti-biotics and some narcotic cough syrup. Which was put to good use during the 10th-15th Innings of the All-Star game. Jesus Christ, I've never watched a 15 inning game and been more bored. I'm sure Fox was pleased with forcing the people of America watching third string All Stars play for 2.5 hours. Most of whom your average American has never heard of. Probably my biggest peeve with the game was the whining the announcers were doing for Francona and Hurdle because they didn't have enough pitchers, or they just can't use Kazmir or Webb since they pitched Sunday. Well, if they can't pitch why the fuck are they there? I can't hit a curveball, and I'm not an All Star. Here's a mind boggling idea: You have the 5-7 of the best starting pitchers in the game. Guys who are used to pitching 6+ innings a game. So, I don't know, use them for more than 6 fucking outs. If baseball games were 43 innings, Roy Halladay would pitch an average of 42.2 innings per start. But in the All Star game he threw 9 pitches. NINE FUCKING PITCHES. Either play to win, or play it like the exhibition game it is. Fuck.


Is it just me, or does Bud Selig look like Stephen Hawking?


SHOCKING NEWS! KERRY WOOD GOES ON THE DL!!!!!!!!!!!
Who has a blister that lasts for 10+ days? I wonder what kind of field medicine he'll work this time. It was probably a can of Old Style this time, not Orange Crush sine he's 31 now, not 20.

The guy who 'invented' the save died. I can 'invent' baseball stats too. I present to you:
The SnF (Suck and Fuck). One SnF shall be recorded every time a big, slow slugger grounds into a DP immediately after a bigger, slower slugger walks. Paul Konerko shall be the lifetime leader in the SnF.

Tampa gets swept in a 4 game series by Cleveland. Cleveland? 38-53 Cleveland? Are dark clouds gathering for the Rays?...Probably not, they're back to 2 games up over Boston after being down 0.5 games at the break.

As I type this, the Lions have kicked 6 field goals over the Chiefs after 8. Er, I mean the Tigers and Royals.

I can't figure out if Corey Hart looks like someone I know, or just the stereotypical caveman.

MLB should change its rules and allow the Cardinals' Jason LaRue to take the field with a sign that reads: 'Free Mustache Rides'

'Not just for the ladies'

The Rangers' pitching staff just held the White Sox to 1 run. Where's that cough syrup?....