David Ortiz is a bitch

David Ortiz has now missed spring training for the second day in a row due to a sore left shoulder.

But here's the clincher:

Red Sox manager Terry Francona says Friday that Ortiz is much better than Thursday, when he slept on the shoulder awkwardly. Francona says Ortiz also is feeling the effects from throwing during fielding practice earlier in the week.

What the hell?

Junior Griffey a Mariner

Ken Griffey Jr. has signed a 1 year, $2MM deal to return to the Seattle Mariners, where he began his career. He put up some great numbers with the M's, possibly the best of which coming in 1997 and 1998. Let's look at these stats:

1997: .304 BA, 56 HR, 147 RBI, 185 H, 34 2B,
3 3B, 121 SO, 76 BB, 125 R
1998: .284 BA, 56 HR, 146 RBI, 180 H, 33 2B,
3 3B, 121 SO, 76 BB, 120 R

Tell me your mind isn't blown by their similarity, and I'll call you a liar and set your pants on fire.

I'm really disappointed he was so injury-plagued as a Red; maybe he would be on the verge of passing Bonds so we could have a non-controversial all-time home run king.


Source: baseball-reference.com

Another reason why Dustin Pedroia should die in a fire

I think I speak for everyone here when I say we fucking hate it how everyone slobs Dustin Pedroia's nob. Oh, he's 5'8", he's scrappy. .326, 17 HR, 83 RBI? Big fucking deal, pretty pedestrian numbers if you ask me. What about .304, 32, 130? Or .292, 37, 127? Or what about one of two guys with 35+ HR, 100+RBI, and an OPS of .965? The point is I fucking hate whoever voted for him.

Anyway, I just found out that his brother was arrested "on two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under the age of 14". Which I find incredibly hilarious.

Die in a fire, Pedroia brothers.

Dodgers try to get better, older

In recent signing news, the Dodgers signed both Randy Wolf, who will likely join the rotation at #4, and Jeff Weaver (pictured above), who will compete against the likes of Shawn Estes and Jason Schmidt for the #5 spot. Apparently, the Dodgers' free agent pitching scouting only extends along the West Coast, since these guys have played for Seattle, San Francisco, and San Diego. Hell, next they'll probably fire up the game tapes from 2001-2004 and sign Mark Mulder.

Abreu could be in Right at Dodger Stadium

Come May you might see Bobby Abreu roaming right field in Dodger Stadium. That is of course if he can beat out Victor Bojorquez for the position of right fielder for the Diablos Rojos of Mexico City who will be facing off against the Sultanes of Monterrey in an exhibition game in Dodger Stadium this May.

With his prospects running thin Abreu and some of his out of work colleagues might want to consider the Mexican League. This will be no walk in the park for Abreu as Bojorquez batted a lofty .364 in 2008, and has a much better glove approaching the wall.

Maybe the Japanese League may be better opportunity for you Bobby.

Season Preview Seattle Mariners

It is now time for the season preview of the 2nd worst team in baseball last year - the Seattle Mariners.

What to even say about the Mariners - they were awful.

They do have this one damn sexy Asian outfielder though...


However, their best hitter was probably King Felix, who hit a grand slam off Johan Santana. He was certainly better than Richie Sexson who the Mariners paid $15 million to not play for the team. Hell, I would pay Richie Sexson $500 million to not play for my team, so I guess that was a great decision.

Another great decision by the team was to put some new GM in place, one who admits his mistakes. His name is Jack Zoqweirjoweit or something like that - there's a whole bunch of consonants in there and it begins with a Z. In fact, this GM so readily admits his mistakes, he traded the terrible Aaron Heilman (who was recently discussed on this blog) shortly after acquiring him.

In a recent ESPN Page 2 article, a whole section was devoted to terrible Mariners contracts, which should tell you something about the team.

So, what to look forward to for the Mariners this year? Well, Ichiro...King Felix, maybe Erik Bedard who is the first player ever to have success in Baltimore and not elsewhere, and the greatness that is some dude with the first name Wladimir - I feel like he should be a Russian Czar.

The Mariners could try to bring back the glory days by resigning this former great though...



Although he may be fired for inappropriate touching again. At least he has a job talking about A-Rod's steroid use on the MLB network though. Maybe the Mariners should sign this guy though...


Hmmm...maybe Harold Reynolds wasn't the only one involved with inappropriate touching.

Anyway, Mariners 2009 outlook: Terrible, again. However, they have a new GM, new manager, and all new coaches, so at least the fans can look at different people walking to and from the pitching mound to take out Carlos Silva, Jarrod Washburn, etc.

On the plus side, the AL West is not a strong division, and if everyone ever on the Mariners has a career season, the team could finish .500. At least the Twins need not fear them as their competition a la Little Big League.

Yankees, other teams, avoid the 2nd coming of Kevin Brown/Carl Pavano

Ben Sheets hasn't been able to get a contract. Apparently, for a good reason.

Also, I didn't know that Nomar was no longer a Dodger. But check out this gem of a quote made by Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, Jr.:

"Nomar has been great through the whole process, but he doesn't want to put our team in position to bring on a player who may not be prepared to performed at his accustomed level"

Does that mean that he's going to be worse than the shitty player he's been ever since he left Boston?


I don't know either.

Dear ESPN,
No one fucking cares about people finding the DNA of Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens in/on stuff that's like 6 years old. Die in a fire (and make sure Rick Reilly and Bill Simmons are there).
Love, Senor Mullet

Baseball in a Recession

Yes the struggling economy is everywhere, and baseball is not immune. The unemployment line is stretching around the block with Manny Ramirez (probably because he drops routine fly balls like the Dow drops percentage points), Ken Griffey Jr., and Bobby Abreu among the players looking more likely to be catching shoplifters as security guards at Wal-Mart than catching fly balls this season.

Meanwhile the Yankees appear to be the Bank of America of baseball acquiring everything they can get their hands on (Hopefully the acquisitions of Teixeira and Sabathia will not turn out like the acquisitions of Merrill Lynch and Countrywide). After all, the Yankees have a history of acquiring toxic assets like Kevin Brown and Carl Pavano.

If anyone is looking for their own personal stimulus package you could consider betting on the Nationals to win the World Series. They are paying off at 300/1. (The Rays were at 150/1 preseason last year just ahead of the Nationals for second to last).

Hopefully the economy will recover before Citigroup pulls out of the stadium deal leaving the Mets homeless.

Season Preview Washington Nationals

So, I am returning after incorrectly predicting that the Chicago Cubs would win based on their lack of douchebags. Obviously, it does not matter if your team has a wife beater on it, you can still win the World Series.
I am from the Philadelphia area, and am an avid fan of the other 3 major sports teams in Philadelphia, but am an Oakland fan for baseball. I was in California when the Phillies won the World Series (although I was at one of the NLCS games in Philly), and I was happy to see them do well. It still has not hit me that they won, and probably won't until one of the other Philly teams wins (if ever). That being said, I consider myself a Philadelphian (Philadelphiite?) and am quite proud of the fact that our fans could do this:

So, with that out of the way, we are getting close to pitchers and catchers reporting for spring training - one of the best days of the year. In preparation for the beginning of the season, I will pick one team a day to preview - going in order of worst to best record (finish in the playoffs if the team made the playoffs). I'll probably miss a day here or there, but deal with it, I work.

First team, those amazing Washington Nationals:

This was the start of the Nationals season last year:

Ryan Zimmerman hit a walkoff HR to beat the Braves. Unfortunately, the rest of the Nationals season went like this:

So what went wrong? Well, their highest paid player was Nick Johnson, who played all of 38 games. Their idea of a replacement for him was a 300 pound diabetic who didn't seem to comprehend that he had diabetes. Their best player, Zimmerman was hurt, they traded for a guy who almost (and still might) go to jail in Elijah Dukes, and they seemed to have players with the right last names, but wrong first names:

Nick Johnson, instead of Randy (or Don)
Saul Rivera, instead of Mariano
Cristian Guzman, instead of Juan (90s reference, what)
Jorge Sosa, instead of Sammy
and of course,
Ryan Wagner, instead of Honus

To make up for such a decrepit, misnomered team, what did they do in the offseason?

Well, they lost Don Sutton back to the Braves as an announcer (bring back Ted Turner as owner and technicolor movies!!!)
They struck out on every big-name free agent ever. I have a feeling that Teixera went to the Yankees and told them that he will actually give them some of his money back just so he wouldn't have to play in DC.
Their biggest move was getting rid of Chad Cordero who is now a free agent. This makes me miss the days of the Expos with Tim Wallach, Larry Walker, Ken Hill, and Marquis Grissom. Hey, maybe they could resign Moises Alou and Pedro to try to relive the glory days!!
Of course, I think Pedro looks a bit different now

And I don't think the Nats want to deal with Alou's urinary preferences.

2009 Outlook? Terrible. They did little to improve, and have to start hoping they can draft well with their high picks. All they have to look forward to this year is:

Maybe they can sign him to play second base as well.

Manny turns down 1 year, $25 M?

ESPN.com's Jayson Stark reports that Manny Ramirez turned down the Dodgers' offer of 1 year, $25 million. Why Manny? No one else wants you, except maybe the Giants (and we all know they're unlikely to shell out this kind of money), and the longer you wait, the better deal the team will get, I'm sure. This also does nothing for your reputation, which you destroyed with the Red Sawx last year but started to earn back with the Dodgers.

Also, ESPN.com new services reports that the Mets have resigned Oliver Perez for 3 years, $36 million?!?!?! What the f--- is that about? Sure, he started well last year with an ERA around 3 and a WHIP somewhere around 1.2 but finished 10-7 with an ERA of 4.22 and WHIP of 1.40. He does show moments with great potential, but I don't think he's consistent enough to merit $12 million a year. Hopefully for the Mets, he turns into something good.

Unsigned Free Agents, 2/1/2009

The number of big name players who are currently teamless is kind of mind boggling. Tom Glavine, Griffey Jr., the Big Hurt, Pedro Martinez, and Curt Schilling round out the top of the list as future Hall of Famers. I can see why teams might not want to sign these guys though, due to age and recent injuries, but I can see either Griffey or Thomas joining an AL contender to DH, or in Griffey's case, maybe even get some field time. As for the pitchers, they're all coming off injuries, so it would be a gamble for a team to take them, but at the same time, it would be a shame to see them formed into retirement.

I'm still a little bit confused why Manny hasn't been signed yet, but this is probably Scott Boras' doing. Sure, he is a head case and his age is getting up there, but as he showed the last two months of last season, he can still produce when he wants to. Some team might strike a pretty good bargain since his price will likely be forced down as we get closer to Opening Day. Adam Dunn and Bobby Abreu may also prove to be bargain hitters for some team.

I'm not really surprised by Ben Sheets remaining unsigned. I wouldn't want to make a huge investment on a guy as injury prone as him (see Yankees, New York and Pavano, Carl; Brown, Kevin).

I'm also surprised that Orlando Cabrera hasn't been signed. He's a solid fielder that can get on base and score runs, but the price tag may be too high for someone his age who doesn't hit over .300 or put up 20+ HRs and 100+ RBIs.

Now here are some pictures.

I'd add a caption here, but I don't know how to spell the sound that I can imagine him making. It sounds kind of like when Jay impersonates Chewbacca in Knocked Up.


This. Is. Just. Awesome.